Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in iheartboogers' LiveJournal:

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Sunday, June 11th, 2006
12:55 am	i tried to blame it on fortune- so... yet again i'm sad. and i also realized that no one reads this thing so i can write whatever the hell i want to. i'm freaking sad and now i have one more reason not to trust people in my life. tell me why in the world would 2 of my best friends turn their backs on me. and why is it that i have no one i can really trust bc the moment i trust someone they leave me and stop fucking caring. "sand paper thoughts grain on my sanity" i am so tired of people exploiting me and making me feel like shit all the time. i fucking hate this part of my life. whatever- no one really cares anyway! Current Mood: enraged (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 8th, 2006
8:02 pm	jesus christ... my life today, i woke up with high hopes... i had a full day of work ahead of me, i was off of rehersal for a day, and i had 2 crawfish boils to go to... life was good! and than i realized who i was and that my life was never that simple... so at work, i had to train someone, and realized that i had to train one of our "new shifts" how to close so that all of out sketchy shifts should go to the party at tammy tassins' house... anyway! so i finally got off of work at 3, got home and took a nap, right before me "friend" called me drunk and wanted me to go over to her boys house... but i decided to try and get some stuff done... and than i decided that i wanted to wash my car... i went out, and what did i see... o lets guess, i have 3 flat tires, o yea, 3... so my annoying dad told me that it was my fault... and blah blah blah- so, now i don't have a car and i need to get out of this house... o my life- o now i am watching Law-n-Order SVU and not looking forward to my busy ass day tomorrow... anyone wanna pick me up for a drink! ok, so- let's see... i've decided to move to New York for a month this summer, b/c i am tired of all of these people! argh- every time i get close to someone they leave me, or ditch me for someone else... so i've decided to put myself first and not worry about anyone else- o well- argh! Current Mood: irate (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 28th, 2006
11:37 pm	tiny umbrellas- so i just found out that the last person i had a "real" relationship with, and by putting real in quoty fingers i mean that in people who don't know anything about my life and or relationship track record, didn't really care about me. so that's one more for the record books of people who have stopped caring about me, let's see who i can let off the hook next... AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY I DON'T OPEN UP ABOUT MY LIFE! Current Mood: drained (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 26th, 2006
3:08 pm	...and life! so i don't have to go to work again until thursday... how lucky am i! but it's not for any old reason friends, i am working on my show at UNO that runs this week! woohoo... but before that i have to write a philosophy mid-term, get well again, and kill my stage manager... so much to do, so little time! o well, so everything is pretty decent right now in my life... 3 people are no longer working at the bucks with me which makes me a little sad that 3 people got fired in a week, but whatacha gonna do... we are so used to understaffing by now! o well! so i am all kinda crazy distracted b/c i am watching titanic and it's so sad! when i was younger and t came out in the theaters, some girl sitting near me was like "o it's so sad that the boat sank"- i just want to hit people like that in the head! hehe! maybe i will punch them in the head, that's always a fun idea... well now that i got that anger out i'm done for now! peace... Current Mood: artistic (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 8th, 2006
8:09 pm	Not so cheerful anymore... i am so flipping angry! why is it that everyone in my life can let me down and the MOMENT i don't do something i am turned into this fricking outcast and yelled at! NO! i don't wanna do this anymore... one of my best friends, the person who knows the most about my life, has decided that HE DOESN'T HAVE TIME FOR ME! how about that! how am i totally and completely able to be ignored! i hate my life sometimes... and now my YOUTH MINISTER is mad at me b/c i didn't go on retreat this weekend and why would she ask me why.. what's going on in my life that makes me unable to minister right now... NO! i am simply asked why i am not COMMITED! are u freaking kidding me! REALLY... so not only am i not good enough for anyone in my life, but now i'm not even good enough for my Jesus FRIENDS too! to hell with this... Current Mood: pissed off (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 5th, 2006
11:03 pm	i'm one of those people... so what- i write poetry... stop judging, but i can't find my book i keep it is so here we go- SHE STANDS-STILL Lost in a world of ups and downs- of rights and wrongs Guided by faith alone The changing world falls down around her but she stands-still Hoping for someone to notice Her blood-stained sleeves and broken heart tells her story Lost inside of her mind- confused and afraid But she stands-still False hopes and empty promises cut through the darkness of night like the blade she drags slowly across her pale skin Hoping for someone to notice- a desperate plea for help Crying out with silent precision- but she stands-still and alone As she embraces the night- she stands-SCREAMING Current Mood: i'm tired of being ignored... (Comment on this)
1:54 am	beer makes u pee- is it b/c of the yeast... my wonderfully lazy brother came in town this weekend - so we went out drinking... dude, like what else are we supposed to do b/c we are the gregi and we drink all the time yo! hehe- so let us talk about lent a little... I gave up chocolate, meat, boys, and i'm fasting! so- here we go- let's look at this whole situation... ooo! also, i am trying to see my family in a different light and make them see me as an individual, and also going to adoration every week for at least an hour. so let's talk about melissa's life for a little.. how is it that boys stop paying attention to u the moment you become intersted in them... hehe! GOODNESS! this is yet again why i am giving my time to this idea... i quit on the whole boy thing, maybe b/c another guy i dated has now decided that he will feel bad about breking up with his g/f even though this is the same person that cheated on me when i was in NICARAGUA when i was helping out the children... ooo life with me is so odd... but ok, let's focus on life! i am drinking/ well i stopped drinking but i have alcohol in my blood and i'm watching DONNIE DARKO and i think my life is sad, so i'm going to lay down... LENT should make life better, i am going to dedicate my time to JESUS and fix all this stuff! peace out! Current Mood: blah (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 21st, 2006
10:18 pm	the heart may freeze, or it can burn... dude- RENT came out on DVD today! now let me tell you how excited i am that now i own, i flippin own, a copy of RENT- i love jonathan larson and his fantastic writing skills! oooo, you have no idea how deep this love goes... so of course i bought 3 copies of it, but am slowly delivering them to my friends! i am so flippin extatic! and i have off of work and school on tuesday and since i don't do the whole MARDI GRAS thing b/c i am a loser and a homebody, i am going to lay in bed and watch all the DVD's i have been purchasing lately! sweet deal i know! i don't understand the gret emphasis placed on mardi gras by people in huge trailer park we call a city... for real- i'm not a big fan, except for the whole king cake thing- i like that but that's b/c im a chubby chub girl and i loves food. and i am going to be assistant stage managing a show this semester with my pal melissa (ironic huh!) and it should be exciting... we had auditions tonight and a grand total, everyone hold your breath, of 9 actors showed up... thanks UNO! but anyway- the one person we wanted to show up didn't so that kinda sucks but o well, u win some u loose some- so everyone should come see my show and than we can get totally smashed together after... actually i lie, i might be giving up drinking for lent! i know i am giving up a lot of other things... ooo it's gonna be a fun lent! i lvoe that catholics guilt u into giving things up for 40 days so we can be more like jesus.... what if i just drove nails through my wrists, would that make me closer to Christ? OOO- and we have a retreat coming uP! ooo i'm so busy! holla! Current Mood: don't judge... (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
12:21 am	i'm nobody's wildest dream... does anyone else ever experience the time in your life when u feel like you can't do anything to get noticed... like no matter what u do in your life, everyone around you just looks straight through you and can't see who you really are. All the struggle and pain that you feel, the anger and bitterness, even the joy and happiness- there is no feeling that you express that those who you care about the most notice. I turn to God in these times sometimes when i feel like there is no one else there and i can't help but still feel alone. I know that God loves me and he is there for me, but sometimes you just need someone to tell you that it's ok and everything will be fine b/c God loves me indefinately, always and forever, with real love... the kind of love that someone would sacrafice everything they had for you...but the idea of living my life with the only true, unconditional love i feel is from someone i can't see or feel makes it even worse. And i know that it's not always- it's just a phase that i feel so alone- but i don't even have a family that cares enough about me to actually notice me. THEY DON'T NOTICE ANYTHING! no one does- b/c you have to care about someone to notice something about them. but yet again, i am being over dramatic about everything... that's what i do! i just want someone to actually understand what it is that i am saying and not think i am over reacting... i am tired of people telling me i am irrational! i know perfectly well that i over-react sometimes but that doesn't mean that we have to ignore my feelings totally for fear that i will over react to something. i am not 6 years old anymore... i am an adult! i am not irresponsible anymore... i am not going to mess everything up just b/c i have done some stupid things before! and no one else in my life has to point out to me that i am not beautiful! i understand that i am not the perfect child or girl... i do not match up to the other people i know! just let it go! let me be imperfect... i was made this way for a reason, God has a plan for me- and it is a good plan... GOd wouldn't put me on the wrong path- He loves me too much! i just want someone, someday, to look past all my faults and see them as a part of who i am... not judge me for them and not disapprove of them, but embrace they and see that they are part of who i am! but no one really knows who i am, not even my best friend knows who i am... my life feels like a movie sometimes and i just fast forward through certain parts of my life i don't want anyone to know about! is that healthy? all of these repressed emotions that i feel like no one else will ever understand b/c no one will take the time to really care! Mother Teresa said "I know God will not give me more than I can handle, I just wish he didn't trust me so much..." and i think this is true for a lot of people. For it is by turning to God with our problems that we are lifted of these burdens... For "His burden is easy and His yoke is light"- i hope this is true b/c if it's not than i will have a lot more issues... Current Mood: don't act like you care... (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 31st, 2006
10:58 pm	wehadababy itsaboy... so i have come to a great conclusion on how to deal with my confusion lately... i am going to do my "commitment" to God again and not think about dating for about 3 months. i know i know, what will the boys do without me- but i have decided that we are going to make the conscious decision to no longer attempt to date anyone until i have everything in my life figure out. which, let's face it will probably take longer than 3 months but, wishful thinking. I just honestly need a hardcore reality check on my life to assess the damages so far and see what it is that i can do to make everything ok again! on a lighter note- im laying in bed watching STIGMATA and it is such a good movie. o how i love being catholic sometimes... plus i am crazy worn out from this week so far- and i know it's only tuesday. but i can't do this whole work 35 hours and also go to school for 16- but hey, i have balanced it all out b4 so it shouldn't be that bad- and i am also i spaz i have realized since this last weekend... and i am so confused about everything that im going to sleep! peace out Current Mood: that's me yo... 4 points! (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 22nd, 2006
1:18 am	sniggle sniggle... So let's recap this weekend... i went to a bar with my bestest pals sonia and kim (and whatever mark was there too) and we were in the quarter hanging out when all of a sudden who meets a huge group of arkansaians and of course they were in the army! so being the sly cat that i am, they ended up buying me and sonia shots all night long. long story short... i am yet again not allowed in the quarter. and so tonight i went to the the shimmy shack with the "management team" of the bucks and got hit on by a man with a 13 year old girl. He said i was "mezmorizing"- im so not even kidding you either... what kinda stuff is that! my life is so weird! o and did i say that he didn't know what chastity was! o my life is so odd... but hey, things are looking up, i had my first day off of work in like 9 months yesterday... so everything is going fabulous for the time being. so wish me luck.... but tell me that i, melissa mae gregus, am a flippin on the way towards greatness! peace all! Current Mood: freakin right... (Comment on this)
Monday, January 16th, 2006
9:53 pm	iceberg right ahead... sometimes i look at my life like i'm not making the right decisions at all... am i really on the path that God wants for me? or am i so totally submerged in my own life that i can't even see the light anymore and am just pretending that I'm going the right way. why do i let people who are im my life effect me so much? why is it that if one person is disappointed in me i tear myself apart! i hate that i do that... it is so draining that i allow for myself to do that! i sometimes feel like there are entire days when i just can't catch my breath. it must be me though- i must be doing something wrong to have others be disappointed in me. I hate that i can't work it out and make myself feel better at all. i'm just so disappointed in my life. and than i wonder- am i just dismissing people like i am dismissed by others in my life. b/c i hate that people never give me a chance- but am i not giving others a chance either... am i becoming something or someone that i hate! am i my own worst nightmare! o life is so odd sometimes when i think about what it is that is going on with me and my life... does it really have to be this difficult or can i just pop in Mighty Ducks 3 like ben and forget about reality for a while... who knows- maybe those you least expect can teach you something in the midst of all the chaos... Current Mood: stand in the spotlight... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 10th, 2006
8:58 pm	jigga-what, jigga-who... so let's recap the events of this tuesday... well, i woke up and decided to go to target to get things for sonia and kim's apartment which i have been staying at... and o that's right, i got into an accident! and it was so totally my fault... i love the fact that my car is so plastic that an explorers tail pipe can put a whole in my bumper. so for anyone that's keeping up with my life- that means that i am not going to be able to move out of my parents house. life sucks! let's see what else riviting happened... i went to the bucks after b/c my mom dropped me off and nick came in and we talked for a while, and than another boy that works with me- Jeremy- told me that he liked me and that's always fun for me. Why do these boys that i will never have interest in want to date me- but it is so hard for me to find a wholesome catholic boy that likes me- o my life is kinda poopy... mostly b/c i have to move back home... argh! o well, whatcha gonna do... Current Mood: drained (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 5th, 2006
11:03 pm	your moving with your auntie & uncle in bel-air.... so let's see what wrong melissa can do now... not only am i the cause for like every problem in my family but now i'm causing rifts in my fragile friendships... i hate when i mess everything up like i seem to always do. someday i'm just going to run away from all these problems and just do something that no one expects me to do... i hate the fact that by following along with the crowd i am the one who gets ostricized! argh! why can't i just do something right for once... Current Mood: life makes me nauseaus... (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 28th, 2005
10:02 pm	rudolph the red nosed dolphin... what! so i have been doing a whole lot of thinking lately... which is dangerous when your a natural blonde- about how i need to re-discover my faith... i have really been slacking a lot lately! i have allowed all of the outside things in my life to distract me from my pursuit towards a better relationship with Jesus and all his posse...like my family and some of my friends that don't appreciate my closeness with my God! but I can't let them hold me back from being truly happy. but i have to admit that it is not all outside forces that are making me feel this way but it is my own personal vindetta against myself. it is me who is holding me back from pursuing true happiness... but from now on i am going to not let the world define who i am- i cannot be this person anymore that holds back her opinion or is continually mad at her family and herself! so to all you about 10 people that read my live journal i am goin to begin to lead my life like i am called to by God ! "only in his hometown and in his own house is a prophet without honor..." mthw 13:57--- i am going to step out of my comfort zone and become who it is i was born to be- uniquely me! Current Mood: rejuvenated (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 1st, 2005
11:23 pm	stinky stink stink life just sucks sometimes don't you think... it's like no matter what i do i can't do anything right and i am a failure- i hate feeling like this, o crap on it all! Current Mood: grr! (Comment on this)
10:20 pm	candy cane addict- today we had our Holiday Cheer Party at work... and 5 people showed up for it, it was hella crazy boring and i missed class for this! Anyway- I am going to New Orleans this weekend and i'm all excited. I'm going to see RENT with Sonia this weekend which should make my life that much better! so anyway- let's see what else is going on... i'm watching ER right now and i realized that i am never going to get married, no one will wanna marry someone like me! i can't even decide what i wanna eat for lunch let alone who i'm going to marry! Aside from that, let's see... i have a big ole' spanish final tomorrow and haven't studied for it yet! life is stinky when your me! hehe i wanna go camping sometime soon- i love camping and being outside... i move home in 7 days... and than i will abandon this annoying life i have formed here in Bossier I turned my psych project in today and my professor was all impressed b/c it was so bright and colorful and im an evacuee! whatever dude! if it get's me an A i will play poor displaced girl for her! well that's it for now... Current Mood: my brain hurts.... (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 27th, 2005
3:14 am	vampires have it made- At work today- i so totally almost quit... no one was working, and the things they were doin were so unproductive... grr! it was just so frustrating to see that kind of stuff... and no one listens. I think that maybe it's just me, maybe i'm a bad manager.... ineffective, but than again... no one does anything in general so it can't be me. But i have 4 shifts left there and than i am done! so take that bossier city! let's see what else... my parental units are going back to our half house in New Orleans tomorrow, well today kinda.. whatever, they are leaving me alone finally and i can't wait for them to leave, even though "crazy", aka. My Mother, said that it was ok if i moved out of the house, but i hope it wasn't just a fluke twitch in judgement and they actaully support me in this. But who knows with my family... but she might pee her pants when she finds out im moving in with a black man... hehe o well! I was just glad that i actually had someone to talk to when i got home from my long day of work... b/c i shouldn't be left alone with my head sometimes... especially after days like today. Nothing really bad happened it was just another one of those "put-down melissa, praise the sister" kinda days. i just get tired of being held down by my family, i think i would much rather be ignored than put down continuously. but unfortunatly i need to be put in my place by them before i forget how big of a nothin i am... but i talked to sonia today and i think we might be going to europe this summer together which would be totally awesome... i miss her a lot, than again i miss everyone... i can't wait to come home! well, im tired and im goin to try and go back to church tomorrow... wish me luck! Current Mood: sorta kinda... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 24th, 2005
11:55 pm	save a horse... ride a cowboy today is turkey day... so, i guess i'm supposed to be thankful! Let's see all the things i'm thankful for- no that's crap... let's make a list of all the things i'm not thankful for! 1. foremost, i'm not very thankful for my FAMILY b/c let's face it... they kinda suck most of the time 2. NORTH LOUISIANA- it's just a waste of space 3. HURRICANES- i'm just never meant to graduate and i will just end up dropping out of college 4. BAKED FRUIT- honestly i just don't get it 5. HOLIDAYS- i have to save my money and can't live home anymore so i can't afford to buy anyone gifts 6. PAPERS- yea my 15 page term paper was due yesterday- suck it! argh- whatever! hehe! So, i've decided that i'm totally done with pretending like i have no opinion. So, i don't know... my life is pretty boring. I don't have anyone to talk to here really b/c no one lives in Bossier/Shreveport area... except for Khris. And i have all of these friends that are obviously equally, if not more screwed up than i am... and i can't talk to them about life b/c i dont wanna make them feel worse about themselves. gosh life sucks sometimes- how am i supposed to help my friends when i can't even help myself... Current Mood: scared (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 23rd, 2005
12:04 am	i killed the louisiana state bird... So after being treated like a 5 year old today by my parents and not being allowed to leave the table until after they completed yelling at me... i decided something... I no longer want to live here... So if anyone is looking for a roomate i would be more than happy to move out of my parent's house. Who are they to tell me that I am the cause of all the problems in our family when i am a mere 21 year old outcast who talks to her parent's about once every month... yea i thought so! Anyway so i am thinking about moving far away from louisiana... right after i kill off all of the brown pelicans... anyone wanna come join... yea i thought not! I got crazy drunk at a bar the other day with Brian from the bucks and let me just tell you, it was the most fun at a gay bar ever... b/c i woke up the next morning with condoms in my pocket... hehe! than again it's the only gay bar ive ever been too... so yea! Nick called me and we talked, while he was high playing chess with his friend... argh! i need to not talk to him anymore... i don't understand him at all! He said he wanted to be friends but as soon as he gets a girlfriend he can't talk anymore... i don't get it! o well, screw him! in general today has been a crappy ass day and i would like to forget all about it... Current Mood: nauseated (Comment on this)